User:Zsl3

Grand Challenges for Engineering

One of the world's most difficult technological challenges has been achieving self-sustaining controlled fusion reactions. Ever since the power of nuclear fusion was harnessed in the form of thermonuclear weapons in 1951, civilian applications have been aggressively pursued by some of the world's smartest minds.

Fortunately, the world's struggle for sustainable nuclear fusion has come to an end with North Korea announcing an "Unprecedented Nuclear Fusion Success." Beloved and Respected General Kim Jong-il managed the feat simply by fusing Deuterium-2 and Tritium-3 isotopes together with his bare hands! Of course, this should come as no surprise that such a Great and Dear Leader would achieve such a triumph! Surely his father, Eternal Chairman Kim Il-sung, would be proud! We can only hope that the Imperial West does not steal and abuse the Leader of the Revolutionary Armed Forces' tremendous accomplishment for their own nefarious needs!

My Favorite Puns

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution.

A butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

Do I know any jokes about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO

There once was a man who told his friends ten puns hoping that at least one of them would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

My Favorite Anti Jokes

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

Yo momma's so fat she has an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the opposite sex.

What would George Washington do if here alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

What's pink on the inside and smells like fish? Salmon.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street. They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

A seal walks into a club.

---

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'

The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' replied the son,I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' said the son to this,I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father,but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.

The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.

Dear son,' said the father,I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'

The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'

The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.

The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.

Dearest father,' the son started,I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'

One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.

The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.

The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.

The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.

`Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'

It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.

The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.

Father,' the son said,You've made me very happy yet again.'

That night, the son spent on board the tanker.

The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.

A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.

His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'

Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'

`Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'

The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.

`Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'

The son nodded weakly.

The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.

`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.

The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.

`I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

`I- I-'

Then he died.

Phonetic Pronunciation of My Name

My name is Zach Leytus (/Zak/ /'Lightˌus/).

My Favorite MATLAB demo

Fail Bridge is Fail

My favorite MATLAB demo is by far the bending truss demo. It's not necessarily the coolness or awesomeness of the demo that makes it my favorite, it's more so the long, previously forgotten memories hidden in the deepest recesses of my subconscious that it brings back (from 3 months ago actually). As a final project in my AP Physics class, we had a competition to see who could build the strongest bridge using at most 250 grams worth of glue and popsicle sticks. I was in a group with one of my really nerdy friends. We both decided to first plan out our bridge using computer modeling. We had a choice between using West Point Bridge Designer or MATLAB. Somehow, I let my nerdy friend convince me to use the West Point Bridge Designer instead of MATLAB. Even though our bridge looked awesome, we only came in third place. Unacceptable! That demo made me realize that if that nerd had only listened to me and used MATLAB to model our bridge, we definitely would have won the competition because brogramming in MATLAB is dope.